I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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