The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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