I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
