So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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