No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
