I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you win again, gameday.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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