her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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