Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
