Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
