apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
