seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'd cum for enchiladas.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
