At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
