He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
