census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
