hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
