what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
