I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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