If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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