and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's the barista slut.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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