so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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