farters have to be the big spoon...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
