question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
