Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I supernannyed him into submission
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
