i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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