I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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