I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
