I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
