How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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