so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
