Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
