I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I supernannyed him into submission
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
