all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
