WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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