i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
