I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
