How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
wow bdsm is so cute
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
