Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
