I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
