He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
