The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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