Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
