Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
