glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
