She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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