I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
