that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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