Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
