my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
