You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck