our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?