Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sobbing to NWA