I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's blow job season.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sext me about skeletons
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag