Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy