I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
