the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum