I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.