they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
