you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
