Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles

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  (708): chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles http://tfl.nu/o4hh
  Replies (16) Good night (787) Bad night (1512)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame

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  (508): dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move (617): that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame http://tfl.nu/79g6
  Replies (15) Good night (6629) Bad night (733)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.

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  (602): I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one. (623): Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully. http://tfl.nu/x05a
  Replies (36) Good night (4660) Bad night (607)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  saw you walking with that piece of shit

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  and that piece of shit just read that

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  (215): saw you walking with that piece of shit (267): and that piece of shit just read that http://tfl.nu/lre4
  Replies (24) Good night (1336) Bad night (5947)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?

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  (860): is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me? http://tfl.nu/7vt8
  Replies (19) Good night (4755) Bad night (1110)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall

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  (919): I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall http://tfl.nu/tdv6
  Replies (17) Good night (3474) Bad night (1460)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.

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  (620): Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like. http://tfl.nu/q54q
  Replies (10) Good night (1695) Bad night (1155)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.

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  (515): I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor. http://tfl.nu/c5bv
  Replies (12) Good night (1647) Bad night (392)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.

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  (319): More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy. http://tfl.nu/fj2g
  Replies (2) Good night (969) Bad night (453)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.

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  (724): Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores. http://tfl.nu/hule
  Replies (5) Good night (504) Bad night (1245)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water

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  (202): I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water http://tfl.nu/zr61
  Replies (6) Good night (897) Bad night (326)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.

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  (517): I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT. http://tfl.nu/j08n
  Replies (4) Good night (1250) Bad night (318)
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  (315): View more from New York

  On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.

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  (315): On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties. http://tfl.nu/tf8z
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (252)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism

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  (704): I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism http://tfl.nu/sjz0
  Replies (4) Good night (714) Bad night (262)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.

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  (404): Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse? (770): All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead. http://tfl.nu/buwi
  Replies (1) Good night (412) Bad night (290)

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