and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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