so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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