Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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