dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
