I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
