Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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