Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
