then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
