what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
