Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
