Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
