I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
