meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Text me some of your sweat
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
