she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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