i just wanna soil my oats bro
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
