somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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