Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
