My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
