girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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