so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
