We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
