I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
