The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
