I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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