I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
