Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It was a blind-side dick pic.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
