dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
