Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A+ Viking dick
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
