we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
