Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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